I HAVE JALEPENO IN MY NOSE! MAKE IT STOP!

So how do you create a portal, I am completely serious. Besides simply clicking your mouse to make a portal in the game Portal a real portal can and should be built im sure of it, but how? Pray to multiple gods and hope one is listening? Create a rift in space time? Vibrate particles?
The most likely, however least cool, would be to vibrate particles. Its possible to vibrate a solid giving it the qualities of a liquid but how about vibration until the atoms seperate and become free floating unlike a substance and more like the individual qualities of each element. Atom's parts move extremely fast so instead of creating a portal you would be creating the illusion of a portal. We would need the technology to restructure an organism from elements.
With this technology though i think i would be making dinosaurs out of rocks and small mamals.